I want a jet pack!

How fucking cool is this:



I want to get me one of these!

The First Gentleman

We've all heard of various female spouses of politicians being called "The First Lady"

May I present to you: The First Gentleman



He even took his wife's name.

Perhaps "The First Eunuch" might be more appropriate?

Jamie.

The world's only remaining Superpower...

Poe for the internet age

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I websurfed, weak and weary,
Over many a strange and spurious website of 'hot chicks galore',
While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning,
And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour.
"'Tis not possible," I muttered, "give me back my cheap hardcore!" -

Quoth the server, "404".

How to win her back...

The wonderful true love story of Matt and Connie

Dear Connie,

I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during
our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you
left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the
wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the
first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who
would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of
pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore.
I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.
Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And
this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I
look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but
they're not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me.
I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.
She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only
youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean,
just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that
just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right?

But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought,
look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial.
What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well,
in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her
a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately
attractive Connie?

I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before.
I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, I found myself
thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just
her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but
something else. Some nagging feeling of loss.

Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the
same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean?
Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going
crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mum we met at the Holiday Inn
lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of
lasagne. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman
around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the
real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know,
we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total
monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a
real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her
career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she
spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she
puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch
ourselves.

And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help
thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've
had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a
sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the
restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got
a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to
me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice
about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back
together, Connie, she really is.

So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about
happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you
and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18.
And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that
gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about
trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between
us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your
baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it.
Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh?
I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is.

Love, Matt

Like father, like son...

Here we go again

No sex honey, I'm working

MILLIONS of ambitious executives are risking divorce as long hours take a toll on their sex lives, a study has found.

It estimates 45 per cent of high earners working for large global companies have "extreme jobs" that involve working at least 60 hours a week, although many work 100 hours or more.

I can guarantee you that the vast majority of these workers are men - I wouldnt be surprised if the proportion was over 95%. I can also guarantee you that most of these men are supporting a wife and kids, meaning the long hours are more a necessity to support the family than something done for fun.

The Succubus doesn't work but has a society reputation to uphold, which means the BMW 4 wheel drive, the holiday house, and the kids in the swankiest private schools. These things don't grow on fuckin trees - they actually require the exchange of physical or mental labour for remuneration.

Because of this dedication and financial commitment to their wives and children these men risk divorce, in which they will lose the family home (but not the mortgage payments), well over half of any assets they accumulated (even if owned prior to the marriage), and be forced to pay maintenance.

And people wonder why The Marriage Strike is so popular these days.

Joe Rogan

Check this clip of comedian Joe Rogan just going to town on this idiot of a woman who starts sledging him during his routine.

The bit right after where she tells him he doesnt have a girlfriend would have to be one of the best comebacks I've ever heard.